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Remember the time.

I remember it as if it were yesterday.

I was patiently waiting for the teacher to come to class so that she would preach about last lesson's - England and The Royal Family. 
I simply did not have a care in the world at that time about absolutely nothing than..London.
Never would I have ever imagined that what I have once experienced in my head, would actually follow me later on - it triggered the adventure in me I didn't think I had.

Back in 5th grade, when I was first introduced to a new school with new teachers and classmates, I came across classes with subjects such as 'History of England', 'Geography of England' and of course English literature. I was fascinated by the variety of happenings that occurred back in time that I could picture myself in that specific moment. It felt as if I was living another dimensional reality when in fact I knew from the very beginning of my existence that I were to belong to a completely different environment.

Here I am today…
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Homo sapiens

I am human just like all of you;
Though I am many things but weak.
I simply grow, I simply weep;
Easily hate being cheap.

The ones around go round and bound
To whatever is their playground.
Come back to sense and check the background.
You try your best, yet it's a mess
'Cause they never rest

Until you have a gritty nest
Fully opened 'till your chest.
Deep down you hear whatever's near
The countdown rains seconds of fear..

When you decide what's yin or yang
It's like a boomerang.
You hang the words down a string of truth
It hurts as much as a wisdom tooth.

There's no such thing as fountain of youth
But you can always soothe the ones with broken tooth.
The journey is within, blooming its way,
Convey the best as a bouquet!

When you create and surround yourself with doomsday
Don't expect people to not run away!
But you carry on being a human
'Cause I am not weak nor you are inhuman.

Copyright R.
By Roxanne Camelya
05.07.17


Charms

Been going on and on throughout a journey of happiness with ups and downs, struggles and all that jazz.


Last year, my ego went down to zero ubiquitously because of social order. Full stop. It's that basic with a hint of madness to it. I utterly disguise myself in the dark and feel like running around in infinite circles without any escape. In this world full of masked people, I am one of them. I no longer seem to define genuine from the rabble; oh, how I wish I could turn back the chronometer and obstruct the limitless possibilities I own.

I drive myself crazy because I cannot escape the gravity of this world.

There is a certain way of seeing chattels and that is limited by the straight line foremost your conscious. I wonder whether there is actually no right or wrong and simple is the manner you go all the way. I wonder whether us, the mortals are keeping ourselves from objectifying our lifespan. The magic within ourselves is like yin and yang; illusions chained to the rhythm of …

Chaos

Things can never be the same once you leave.
 You literally leave a piece of your heart in every corner of the world you travel. You take it back to the corner of the world you decide to settle down and memories are left behind. Memories that are transferred into knowledge. Knowledge that is creatively designed into your life.
Once I left my home, I lost most of the principles taught since most of them were useless for the world I was about to broaden my horizons. Most acquaintances were left behind and so do new acquaintances come in place. Life moves on by the rhythm of the soul.
But that's okay! My life was all about change, after all; it's just because fear takes place at nerve-racking moments - when you most need the strength, that's when fear comes right in with its itsy bits of pessimism. I'm one of a kind and until I learn to accept this, I will live in fear - of letting people down, letting myself down, of other people's thoughts, my thoughts. Therefore, a…

Why?

I've been through certain struggles lately that made me the person I am today. I'm still learning, of course. To give in years of your life to someone that you think they mean the world to you is just simply.. wow. Many people nowadays live in the modern era where mobiles replace communication. Where art thou chivalry times, hm ? I wish I were a hopeless romantic. Maybe I just became one and don't know it, yet!
Few random emotions bumble through my head and day after day I wish some of them would stop because it turns me into regretting things I never done.. For some time now, I go to sleep in tears with swollen eyelids simply because I deeply wish things were different! When a new day comes, I hope for it to be wonderful and it ends up in the same stage - me crying a river and puffy eyes! I keep on doing same mistakes and it feels like a never-ending bridge. I just can't cross it safely. My life even feels unsafe! I am a danger to my own specie and I am the only one t…

Edit

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
Carl Jung.

Imagine yourself in an empty, vain room with white walls. You feel that you need the air to breathe. You try to search for a window but to your surprise, there is none. None and nothing that could take you back to that blissful moment you were once used to. By mistake you open up a box which was hidden deep in the infinite whites of the room which leads you to the first spot of black. Mesmerized and utterly human, you dig in deeper pretending to search for the mystified air whereas you only reach for more blackness spots. Anxious and really annoyed, the only thing left is to choose between the infinite whites or black spots covering the whites of the room. One thing remaining is still the urge to breathe which are terrifyingly stubborn visuals of your subconscious.Your mind is working wildly and your arms are headed towards a flickering light built by a delusional puzzle of …

(Big) Dreams

I am starting to realize little by little and step by step how much loss of time spent on meaningless variable thingies. From laziness to utter disgrace of spending more on sleeping rather than waking up like an early bird who catches the worm faster. Then again, after realizing all this elusive jazz of nonsense - pardon me - of ugly truth, I'm beginning to question myself whether is it worth spending even more time in such madness rather than invigorating myself with genuine principles.
First step above all is to remind yourself what you're worth at. Of course, every human being is worth living and breathing the same air but it takes few out of all these humans to actually understand that they are meant for greater ideals in life.
For that, I have been struggling lately and actually even from the beginning of the year; it has been such a nerve-wracking period that I had to organize every bits and pieces from goals to lifestyle, from food disorders to healthy choice and let it…